The emergency committee has asked that JK (of Jamiroquai fame) forfeit one piece of headgear from his enormous collection. To this end, JK (of Jamiroquai fame) has spent the last four hours in his hat closet, trying to find something to give away; but every hat that he no longer finds aesthetically appealing nonetheless possesses great sentimental value. If it isn’t one thing then it’s another and he casts a loving eye over them all. Of course, there is the faux-buffalo headgear he wore on the cover of ‘Emergency on Planet Earth’. JK would be the first to admit it looks ridiculous, and yet what memories this hat contains… I am not the one who started this financial crisis, thinks JK. That’s right, he thinks, it’s not my fault at all. With this thought at the forefront of his thinking, and of the uppermost vehemence, JK storms out of his hat closet and heads for P-Diddy’s palazzo, ready to give the rapper this very piece of his mind: “Who started this credit crunch, P-Diddy? It certainly wasn’t me,” he says, breathlessly.
“Nobody is saying that it was,” says P-Diddy, the very model of reason.
“Then why do I have to forfeit one of my hats?”
“We all have to do our bit right now.”
“I don’t see why.”
“What can I tell you?”
“That I don’t have to forfeit a hat.”
“I can’t exempt you, JK, much as I would like to. What about the hat you wore on the cover of ‘Emergency on Planet Earth’. The big buffalo one. Do you really need that?”
“Winter is on its way. What happens if there’s a cold snap? I’ll need that hat to keep my head warm. Or do you think it’s all right for me to freeze to death?”
P-Diddy’s monumental patience, tested to the limit, begins to fail this test. “Maybe you’d prefer to make your way to Jalopy Creek,” he says, “and speak to Bobby Sebo directly and ask him to address the money tree on your behalf?”
“Maybe I will,” answers JK, only the tone of his voice is extremely unconvincing.
“And while it may be true that you didn’t initiate the credit crunch, I tell you what I think you did do: break into the musical vaults and make off with any number of rare grooves.”
“Those grooves were all open source, P-Diddy. Every single one of them.”
“I don’t know, JK. I have my doubts. I think you may have taken what didn’t belong to you and turned it into a fleet of vintage sports cars in order to speed away from the scene of the crime.”
“You can talk!” exclaims JK (of Jamiroquai fame). “Everybody knows that you stole off with the very best of Sting!”
Ruby Island in its entirety sits HERE